A Watcher's Son 2, A New Home
by Alec Star
Summary: After the destruction of Sunnydale Giles must face the daunting task of rebuilding the Council so he turns to those he trusts. Crossover with The Sentinel.
1. Chapter 1: Planning for the Future

**_Disclaimers:_** I don't own the characters, I don't own the concepts, I make no money, I make no sense and i get no sleep but on a positive note I do love feedback (so please review)

**_Warning/comment:_** This is a series I wrote between about two years ago, before I really started posting here and it has not really been revised since then, so there may be a few mistakes here and there, sorry about that.

The story is complete, there are 52 chapters to this thing, split into five parts with an interlude between parts one and two. I will be posting every other day (and now that the holidays are behind us that will probably work better).

A fair warning, in the original version I never made the POV of each chapter explicit and I'm not about to change that now so you are going to have to guess (that's half the fun anyway, as far as I'm concerned).

This is obviously a crossover.

**_Timeline:_** Buffy-wise this story is post 'Chosen' and slightly AU.  
**  
_A Watcher's Son  
Part 2- A New Home  
Chapter 1: Planning for the Future when the Future Is Now_**_  
_  
It's been a couple of hours since we got to the rest stop but unlike most of the others I've been unable to go to sleep. It's not just that the bus is terribly uncomfortable --I've slept in worse places than this-- it's that there are too many things swarming through my mind, foremost is the fact that we need some sort of plan. We survived, we defeated the First but Sunnydale is gone and we have nothing but the clothes on our backs and maybe a couple of credit cards to keep gas in the tank. That thought reminds me of Anya and of the fact that we lost more than things, a lot more. We need to regroup, count our losses and decide where do we go from here.

I know Buffy's first reaction will probably be to head for L.A. That would seem the natural thing to do but I don't think it would be such a good idea... at least not for the core Scoobies. Perhaps once things settle down a little we could send some --if not most-- of the new Slayers there. I am the first one to admit that Angel can at least offer them some sort of structure and a place to stay, which is more than we have now, but I cannot go with them and I don't think it's safe to send Buffy or Willow there either.

The truth is that while in the past there was an army of Watchers to look after one --or exceptionally two-- Slayers and a number of Potentials, this battle has reversed that proportion. There's now a whole army of Slayers but only Wesley and I survive from the original Council... and I suspect a considerable number of our former colleagues are now turning in their graves at the thought. The thing is that with the Watchers all but wiped out and virtually all our records destroyed, all that remains of that once vast body of knowledge is what we've learned, what we remember, and that means that Wesley and I cannot afford to be in close proximity to each other for prolonged periods of time. It would be too dangerous. Another thing is that while the Slayer line is now safer than it's ever been, Buffy's reasoning when she told Angel to leave Sunnydale in case a second front became necessary still holds true.The destruction of the Council was a painful reminder of just how vulnerable a centralized operation will always be. That is one mistake I don't intend to repeat.

So what do I know? I know that L.A. is not an option because the fight against darkness cannot be a centralized operation. I know there is a Hellmouth in Cleveland which may become more active now that the one in Sunnydale has been permanently sealed. I know that the balance of power that existed for millennia before the battle against the First has been shattered and a totally different strategy will become necessary. I know that we need to find a place from which we can try to reclaim our lives.

The need for a different structure in the fight against evil and the Cleveland Hellmouth can probably be dealt with together. We have a distinct lack of Watchers but we have a surplus of Slayers who can be organized into teams of two or three... at least when it comes to the most experienced new Slayers. The others could be sent to L.A. to complete their training and assigning Faith and a couple of new Slayers to the Cleveland Hellmouth should be reasonably simple. By establishing a system of teams of Slayers we would hopefully be creating a structure that would allow them to watch themselves --something that's going to be necessary for at least a generation-- while at the same time it would almost certainly increase their chances of survival.

As to the idea of giving Faith a Hellmouth of her own, well, she has shown that she's ready and I really think she can handle it --and it's time for her to step away from Buffy's shadow-- but before doing that we need to establish some sort of network so that we can stay in touch and operate as a cohesive unit. I'll have to rely on Willow and Dawn to take care of that but I remind myself that establishing such a network may take a while... until we have settled somewhere. The computers were destroyed along with everything else and even I know that we can't set up a network without them so that's one of the first things we'll have to replace. Which brings me back to the issue of where do we go from here. We just can't keep on driving around aimlessly forever.

I'm aware that we can't go to L.A. and I know England would not be practical, especially considering that all of our identity documents were in Sunnydale which means that international travel is out of the question for the time being. So far I have managed to rule out the two most logical choices and then I remember our other option: Cascade. Even after more than two years it still doesn't feel like a natural possibility in my mind but Blair is there and I think we are going to need his help, and Jim's. They can provide us with a different perspective and Jim's military background would probably be an asset as we rebuild the Council... plus Cascade is in Washington. Even though the idea of being close to my son is what made me consider it as an option in the first place --what provided me with a basic starting point-- the fact is that the more I think about it the more sense Cascade seems to make.

It looks like we'll be heading north.


	2. Chapter 2: Living Disarrangements

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

_A Watcher's Son  
Part 2: A New Home  
Chapter 2: Living Disarrangements_

I turn on the bed --awakened by the strangeness of it-- and then I remember where I am, barely in time to keep myself from landing on top of Sandburg who has been relegated to a sleeping bag in his own room. I know it is an emergency and I try to tell myself that it's only for a few days but that only works until I remember that the last time I took someone in for 'just one week' was over eight years ago and he's still here... not that I'm complaining about that.

It was less than a week ago that Giles turned up on our doorstep with literally a busload of slayers and we heard the story of the destruction of Sunnydale... after that I couldn't say 'no' and we've been living barrack-style ever since. I'm rooming with Sandburg, and at least we have the benefit of some privacy, a definite advantage in a situation in which a door is an almost unheard of luxury. My room has been taken over by Giles, Xander, Robin and Andrew while the living area has been claimed by the main invading force: the girls. Tara and Willow claimed the tiny space in the kitchen as their own, there's barely enough room there for a single sleeping bag but that's obviously not a problem and it affords them at least the illusion of privacy. Buffy and Faith pulled rank and claimed the two couches --a solution that's more comfortable for Buffy than for Faith-- Dawn took the easy chair and sleeps folded up like a Swiss army knife. The rest of the girls were relegated to sleeping bags on the floor so at night the living space is an obstacle course I wouldn't dream of navigating without heightened senses... which reminds me that the next time I'm considering investing in some stock a sleeping bags manufacturer would probably be a good idea.

Of course, sleeping arrangements are just the tip of the iceberg. We have over two dozen bottomless pits to feed. I used to believe there was nothing worse than a hungry teenaged boy, well it turns out that hungry teenaged slayers who still haven't gotten used to their metabolisms are far more devastating. Andrew has taken over kitchen duty and the good news is that --given what we've been eating lately-- Sandburg has finally gotten it through his head that there are far less healthy choices than Wonderburgers... it's gotten to the point where I think I'm starting to get a craving for an algae shake.

To make matters even worse there's also the problem that the new slayers still haven't quite gotten the hang of how to control their newfound strength so the loft is being demolished one item at a time. Xander has already had to fix the door twice as a result of one of the girls trying to pull it open without realizing that the thing is locked, which usually leads to the door being pulled off its hinges instead... and in addition to that the bathroom has been turned into the stuff of nightmares.

I used to complain about finding Blair's hair all over the place, now I realize how hard he tried to prevent that from happening... it's like these girls are perpetually shedding but that's not even the main problem. Right now I have to pray to a higher deity for about fifteen minutes before being granted the miracle of the use of my own bathroom for a minute or two, hot water is nothing but a distant memory (luckily Sandburg and I at least get a chance to shower at the PD), and the stench of the place is almost unbearable. Used female sanitary products are driving me insane, but even I know I can't say anything about that one... it wouldn't help matters. I know Sandburg has noticed how much that bothers me --I've seen him emptying the bathroom's wastebasket whenever he manages to get in-- but with over two dozen girls living in the loft that doesn't really make much of a difference.

That's one thing I'm still amazed at: how Blair manages to keep things as close to bearable for me as he possibly can while making everybody feel welcome and maintaining the peace. When our temporary guests first arrived he asked me to help them get settled and left. I admit that my first thought was that he was running away and I wondered if I could possibly emulate him. When he came back I realized what he had done. He had not only gone grocery shopping but he had also gotten most of the things the girls were likely to need. Not just those blasted sanitary products but also tooth brushes, deodorants, shampoos and hair conditioners. I thought it was odd that he would take it upon himself to purchase those items until I discovered that all his choices were sentinel-friendly whenever possible... he had realized what could happen if the girls purchased those things themselves and set out to prevent it. He also realized that there had been important losses... hard to miss with the absences of Spike and Anya, so he dove into yet another aspect of his role as the tribe's shaman, that of a spiritual leader and a spiritual healer.

He has been doing his best to comfort them all, especially those who have been hit the hardest: Buffy, Xander and oddly enough Andrew. Even after all these years I'm still amazed by the depth of his empathy and his compassion. He gives everything he has gladly if he thinks it can help someone else. He even gave Willow and Dawn full access to his laptop.

I have to admit that was kind of funny. At first Willow was torn between thanking him and screaming in despair. Blair's laptop is not exactly a dinosaur, but it's not top of the line either and from what we saw whenever we visited Sunnydale I can tell that Willow likes her computers fast. I think that was the closest I've seen Blair to losing it since the invasion began... when we came home and he found his computer gutted because Willow had decided that it was nowhere near fast enough and took it upon herself to solve the problem. On her behalf I have to say that she delivered and as soon as he gets it back Blair is going to find himself the happy owner of a top notch piece of equipment.

Of course, knowing Willow I'm not sure whether or not I want to know what that computer is being used for now. I have my theories and that's about all I can handle. I do know that when I tried to tell our guests that, being a detective, I was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of harboring a wanted fugitive --a convicted murderer none the less-- Willow told me not to worry, that that particular situation wouldn't really be an issue for much longer. The way in which she said it, combined with the fact that I could see that she had managed to break into some law enforcement agency's system leads me to believe that she wasn't exactly referring to the fact that she expects Faith to be turning herself in to the proper authorities any time soon.

My life is in turmoil as a result of the invasion, my carefully organized world has been shattered and the worst part is that right now nature is calling and I really need to use the bathroom, so I start praying that this time around the wait won't be too long as I make my way through the ever-changing obstacle course of sleeping bags and I try to convince myself that it is only for a few days.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: hi guys, okay before you write to me telling me that Tara is dead please remember that Giles stayed so season six didnít exactly go according to canon. In a nutshell, the changes resulting from Gilesís presence are as follows: 

In season six Giles never left, Buffy never went to work at the Doublemeat Palace, Willow did get addicted to magic but Giles caught the problem on time and shipped both her and Tara to the coven before it got too out of hand so they weren't home when Warren came gunning for Buffy. Buffy was wounded but managed to survive, Warren was shot and killed by police, Johnathan and Andrew manage to escape and then they took off. Buffy and Spike did happen, as did the almost rape and Spike's resouling. With Tara safe there was no need for Willow to attempt to destroy the world, but she did learn the full extent of her powers and she found their scope somewhat frightening, enough to feel nervous about using them too freely in season seven.  
In season seven there's no relationship between Willow and Kennedy (Tara is alive and well, thank you very much), things aren't nearly as bad between Buffy and Giles, though they are far from perfect (especially when it comes to Spike). Giles left Sunnydale after Buffy's nightmares began and then he brought the potentials back with him, things proceeded reasonably close to canon after that. The spell to activate the slayers was performed by Willow and Tara rather than by Willow alone.

Having said that, please review!

Alec


	3. Chapter 3: Renegades

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 3: Renegades

We've been in Cascade for almost two weeks now and we are adjusting but it hasn't been easy. From what we've been able to gather it seems that there has been an increase in disorganized vampiric and demonic activity all over the world since the Hellmouth was sealed. The problem is that the destruction of Sunnydale has left us scrambling to keep up with what's happening and we can't afford to even think about the possibility of presenting anything remotely resembling an organized front... ordinary concerns have had to take priority.

In spite of everything it's been an interesting experience. Nothing like sharing yet another almost-apocalypse to heal old wounds. We are now closer than we've ever been and all past mistakes and misdeeds have been forgiven, if not entirely forgotten... and that's good considering some of the poor choices I made.

When we first arrived our top priority was tending to the wounded, and Willow was focused mostly on attempting to recreate our personal records so that we could reclaim our lives and get on with the task of protecting the world. I really don't want to know how doctored those records have become, but I do know that Faith is now free to come and go as she pleases and that no questions are likely to be asked concerning the new slayer's legal status. All of them have been declared emancipated, just in case, and those of foreign origins have received their green cards.

Things are finally settling down somewhat now. Three days ago Robin decided that he was recovered enough to drive the new slayers down to L.A. and Faith went with him. Jim tried to hide his relief at their departure but failed miserably... not that I blame him. The girls might have been my responsibility but even I was glad to see them go. Just the nine of us are crowded enough in the loft, but housing arrangements will still have to wait a while.

Having restored our personal records was just the first step in what's likely to be a rather long process. Fred and Willow are now taking care of the most complicated task: they are trying to track down the Council's hidden resources and recover them without raising any red flags in some of the most sophisticated systems in the world. The problem is that, in it's arrogance, the Council always believed itself to be above the war it fought and no contingency plans were made for a situation like the one we are now facing. They never saw themselves as a potential casualty. Slayers were expendable and the Council was immortal.

I am not sure whether to blame it on frustration or information, but ever since the destruction of Sunnydale I have been growing increasingly angry toward the organization I pledged my life to. The battle against the First taught me things I never wanted to know about the origins of the Council and as I face the task of recreating that organization I find myself wondering whether or not I am doing the right thing. On the one hand I understand the need for such an institution --even now that the conditions in which the war is fought have been so radically altered-- on the other hand I can not deny that there was a taint in the way in which the Council was created that was present from the very beginning, a taint that arose from the crime that created the First Slayer and was perpetuated through the millennia as thousands of girls were doomed to die. It's true that Willow's spell means that that taint can now be cleansed from the new Watchers --and I think maybe it's only fitting that the task of recreating the organization should now fall in the hands of a pack of renegades that were seen as a thorn in the Council's side for years-- but still the task that lies ahead of us is daunting.

One of the most important things we need to do is to recreate the body of knowledge that had been amassed by the Watchers through thousands of years. That is bound to be incredibly difficult, though it seems the situation in that regard is less desperate than I had feared... or at least that's what I gathered once Blair translated some of Willow's excited babbling about an "emergency encrypted backup database that was hosted in a remote server" for me. I don't know how much information she managed to salvage, but seeing how I had assumed that everything was lost I'll take pretty much anything I can get as a good sign.

The thing is that while I know I can count on the gang to do whatever needs to be done I'm not sure it will be enough. Once the financial and logistical situations are resolved we will probably need some sort of additional help and that was in fact one of the reasons that made Cascade such an appealing location for our new headquarters. We are going to need help and I know someone who would be more than willing to lend a bunch of renegades a hand to turn the Watchers into what they should be... and the best part is that Joe is about as good at playing by the rules as we are.


	4. Chapter 4: I Don't Want to Hear About It

**_For notes, warning and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 4: I Don't Want to Hear About It!

I look up at Jim, he's waiting for the bellow, just like I am. We both know it's just a matter of time and we are not looking forward to it. That we will be assigned the case is a given. There were seventeen victims in that massacre. Seventeen boys at a frat house that won't have a chance to grow up and some of them were the children of prominent families... of course we are getting the case. The problem is that we already know who killed them, or at least what. The answer is obvious considering that they all had bitemarks on their necks and their blood had been drained, the only downside is that that answer means that those responsible are already dead and thus sort of out of Major Crimes' jurisdiction... and now we have to inform Simon of that little fact.

We don't have to wait long. Just like clockwork the bellow comes and we walk towards our doom with our heads held high.

I close the door behind me, I can see that Jim has already taken his regular place in front of Simon's desk and I sit on the corner of his desk. Simon has been trying to break that little habit of mine for years now, but I'm still more comfortable here than I'd be on a chair... especially when I know he won't like what I have to tell him. He thinks I choose to sit there because I'm too hyper for a regular chair, because sitting on the desk gives me more room to fidget, but that's not the whole truth. I do it because it affords me an almost strategic advantage. I'm a lot shorter than Jim and Simon, but by sitting on the desk rather than a chair I can dominate the room... and right now I need any advantage I can get. I take a deep breath and start talking. I know this is not going to be easy and I already took the liberty of scheduling a couple of appointments for Jim and I with the precinct's shrink. I can always cancel them later but I don't think that's likely to be an option once we are thru with this conversation.

* * *

I can see that Sandburg is nervous and I don't blame him. I'm nervous and I'm not even the one who's going to have to explain this one. Simon had more than enough trouble coming to terms with the fact that he had a sentinel in his squad so I don't think that the idea of vampires and demons is going to be particularly well received. I can understand the reason for telling him, of course. The now defunct Sunnydale PD had a lot of practice in looking the other way whenever they were confronted with a supernatural attack, the Cascade PD does not have that kind of experience and unless we run some interference it won't be long before someone gets killed trying to investigate something that should have been left alone. Giles was not happy when Sandburg first mentioned the possibility of coming clean to Simon, but he relented when he realized that the price to pay for keeping the secret would probably be the life of one of our friends, one of our colleagues. Both Blair and I trust Simon, we trusted him with the sentinel secret and he never let us down, telling him the truth now is the least we can do.

Of course there is a difference between telling him and getting him to accept it. We had hoped that we would have more time, that we would be able to break the news gently to him but this massacre has now forced our hand. At least we are in an ideal position here. Simon is the captain of the Major Crimes Unit and if things follow a normal pattern most supernatural attacks are likely to be deemed either major crimes or extremely low priority. They will be either large scale massacres or isolated murders of low key homeless and prostitutes whose deaths fall through the cracks, just like their lives. I don't like it, but I have been a detective long enough to know how the game is played. As much as I hate it I know that there are countless crimes that are dismissed as NHI, No Humans Involved... and that label does not refer to vampires. Luckily we don't see it here in Major Crimes because we deal almost exclusively with high profile cases, but that little acronym is an everyday description used routinely in both Vice and Homicide. Its use may bother the good cops while it is seen almost like a joke by everyone else, but the fact remains that the NHI label is unavoidable there.

The strange thing is that, if we can get Simon to believe us, just this once that attitude may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

* * *

I know the kid can spin some wild tales but this is ridiculous. Vampires in Cascade? What's next? Witches? Of course I'm not ruling out that this carnage could have been caused by some sort of vampire wannabe gang. There are all kinds of nuts out there and I know it... I've been seeing the consequences first hand for over twenty five years. I try to quell a little voice in the back of my mind that reminds me that the story of the sentinel sounded almost as farfetched when they first told me about it, but at least that was something different, something I had never heard of before... vampires are just the stuff of fairy tales. I mean, the kid is basically telling me that we can't go after the killers because the killers are already dead, that in fact they were dead long before the crime was committed. I am not going to accept that and even if I did there's no way I'm going to turn a blind eye to this one. We have seventeen dead boys here, that's no joke.

I look at Jim, trying to figure out what he thinks of all this nonsense and I'm surprised when I realize that he actually seems to believe it. Maybe they are just stressed out. After all it was only two weeks ago that they took in the survivors of that freak accident in California, the one that destroyed the town in which the kid's father had been living. From what I've heard most of those people have already left but a handful of them are still in Cascade and they are still at the loft. I've seen that place and I can understand how this sort of situation could place an almost unbearable burden on my best team... I guess. At least it makes more sense than the idea that vampires roam Cascade. The problem is that the kid just won't give up. I told him almost as soon as he started with this nonsense that I didn't want to hear about it. Five minutes later I reminded him of that statement. I finally lose my temper and I yell at him that I don't want to hear about it, but it's still not working.

He keeps going on and on about the dangers posed by vampires, how to spot the aftermath of a vampire attack and how important it is that those cases **_not_** be investigated, that there are others better suited to dealing with these creatures... vampire slayers whose job is to 'dust' them, whatever that means. That finally gives me the opening I had been looking for, the one that will hopefully get him to shut up. I'll play along for a while, tell him that I want to meet with one of these 'vampire slayers' and then when I can prove to him that there are no such things as vampires or slayers I'll tell my best team to take some time off, get some counseling off the record and I'll be able to reassign the case without having this whole incident tarnish their files in the process. That should do it, and in the meantime I order them to go over the crime scene anyway --in broad daylight-- so that, if nothing else, at least it looks like they are on top of things.

Vampires and vampire slayers... right.


	5. Chapter 5: Unmovable Object Meets

**_For notes, warnings and discalimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 5: Unmovable Object Meets Irresistible Force

I'm waiting in my office while keeping an eye on the door, Jim and Sandburg are at their desks, waiting for this so called 'vampire slayer' to arrive. I can't believe how far they are willing to take this charade and I find myself wondering what the guy will look like --if he even exists-- when a middle aged man and a girl walk into the bullpen. They look fairly normal and at first I assume that they are here as witnesses or maybe to report a crime, but I see Sandburg get up and before I know it he is squeezing the girl in a tight hug, then Jim gets up and all four of them come into my office. For a moment I fear that this guy may be the famous slayer but then I hear Sandburg calling him 'dad' and his reaction when the pair arrived suddenly makes sense. I admit I have been curious about the man ever since he showed up out of the blue over two years ago, but I had never had a chance to meet him. He introduces himself as Rupert Giles, insists that I drop the Mr. and then introduces the girl as Buffy.

I'm beginning to relax as we get past the introductions and I get a better chance to observe Sandburg's father. He seems almost like the direct opposite from his son, he is polite, quiet and reserved... restrained, totally unlike my formerly hyper observer and now equally hyper detective. The girl is a different story, there is a spark in her, a fire, and hints of a darkness in her eyes that doesn't quite fit with her seemingly carefree attitude. Somehow I get the feeling that this is one innocent little girl I wouldn't want for an enemy, not that Mr. Giles is much different in that regard. They both exude a sense of power I can't quite explain and it's starting to make me nervous. It only gets worse when Sandburg brings up the subject of vampires again. They too seem to accept Blair's crazy theory as fact and I don't like it. There is only one way in which these two could possibly be involved in this mess and there's no way I'm going to buy the idea that Blair's father is this slayer character. I make my opinion known in no uncertain terms but unfortunately their reactions to that statement are nothing like the ones I had been expecting.

Buffy just bursts out laughing at the thought, while Jim, Sandburg and his father can barely keep themselves from doing the same thing. Mr. Giles --who is the only one of the lot who seems to be capable of speech for the time being-- rushes to reassure me that there is no way he can possibly be a vampire slayer, I sigh in relief before I catch the mischievous glint in Buffy's eyes. I can see that Mr. Giles has noticed it too and before I know it there's a dirk flying across my office towards the girl. She snatches it in mid air and grins at Mr. Giles, telling him that he's going to have to do better than that. I swallow hard at her casual attitude, it's like she doesn't even realize that she could have been killed, almost as if having knives thrown at her were the most natural thing in the world, and suddenly I have a sinking feeling that I know what caused her to react like she did when I asked if Sandburg's father was the slayer. **_He_** is not the slayer, **_she_** is... and there's no way in hell I'm signing on to any sort of plan that places this tiny girl --who is at most as old as my son, if not younger-- anywhere near the path of whatever it was that killed those boys. I don't care if the killer was human, animal or vampire, it's just not going to happen.

I make my position on that issue as clear as I can. I can see that they are serious when they suggest letting Buffy fight whatever it was that attacked that frat house and there is no way I'm willing to let that happen... and then her eyes change. They turn cold, and hard, the darkness moves to the forefront and I can tell that the girl is gone and I'm not sure I want to know whatever it is that has been left in her place. In a matter of fact voice the creature simply informs me that she has killed thousands of vampires, fought countless demons and stopped the apocalypse more than once. She tells me that she has known death --twice-- and has kept the forces of darkness at bay for years. She tells me that she **_will_** take care of the ones responsible for the massacre. It takes me only a fraction of a second to realize that she is not exaggerating. For the first time since Sandburg first mentioned the word 'vampires' I find myself believing, but I'm not willing to stand back... not yet. If vampires did it and she's going after them then I'm going with her.

I can see she's not happy about that. Silently she turns to Mr. Giles, who then turns to Sandburg, when Sandburg nods in response to his father's unasked question, Mr. Giles nods back to the slayer. After that silent exchange the tension decreases almost immediately and before I know it the seemingly carefree girl who walked into my office a few minutes ago is back and almost all traces of that terrifying creature have disappeared. I have only a moment to wonder about that --and about the role Sandburg's father plays in this particular snafu-- before they move on to planning the coming battle. It is then that the man turns into a strategist right before my eyes. Neither Buffy nor Mr. Giles seem particularly concerned for anything except how my presence is going to impact their plans. As far as they are concerned vampires are not a problem but I am the unknown, the variable they can ill afford. They make it perfectly clear that I'm not to interfere no matter what, I am to be merely a spectator. I shake my head as the implications of what they are saying begin to sink in.

Tonight we are going to go hunting for vampires.


	6. Chapter 6: Home Is Where the Spells Are

**_For notes warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 6: Home Is Where The Spells Are

As soon as we walk into the loft I can see that something has happened --something good for a change-- but I'm still caught by surprise when Giles tells us that he has managed to secure the perfect accommodations for their new headquarters. Needless to say I am overjoyed but a part of me recognizes a trace of nervousness in him and I know there is something he isn't telling us. I can only hope for my guide's sake that those 'perfect accommodations' are somewhere in Cascade. We have gotten used to their presence and I'm not sure Blair would take kindly to them leaving.

I have a thousand questions but Giles does not volunteer any additional information and before I know it Giles, Buffy, Willow and Tara are debating the necessary measures to make sure that their new place is safe, however the discussion is different from any I have ever heard on the subject of security. I know that they are referring to what it takes to set up a secret organization and yet they never even mention things like cameras, guards or alarms, instead they are debating the pros and cons of different spells. There are protection spells and concealment spells among others, as well as a long list of possible natural and supernatural foes that have to be kept at bay. I have been around these people long enough to know just how much their magic can accomplish --I've even seen them literally raise the dead-- but it still catches me off guard when I hear them use that same approach applied to safety. Maybe it's because that's supposed to be my area of expertise.

As strange as it still sounds to me, I guess their perspective does make sense in a way. Thieves and government agencies can have the tools and knowledge to bypass almost all conventional systems, guards can be bought, and besides just setting up an unexplainably sophisticated system in a seemingly inconspicuous location could be enough to raise the red flags they are obviously trying to prevent... magic is harder to trace. In addition to that there is the fact that to defeat their magical defenses it would take a witch even more powerful than Willow, a situation that pretty much guarantees the integrity of their system.

Even though I know nothing about magic I do know about security and I certainly want to participate in this project so I volunteer to go over their future headquarters with them, seeing if I can spot potential weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is then that Giles's heartbeat speeds up, like he's not sure how I'm going to react to the news and he starts cleaning his glasses, something he does whenever he is trying to buy himself some time. I'm not sure if I should be relieved or terrified when he tells me just where their new headquarters will be: Prospect Ave. 852 apartments 301 to 306 and 308. Okay, so I guess they have no plans to leave Cascade and whether we like it or not Blair and I will be living **_in_** their headquarters.

I admit that even though the news is a complete surprise, in a way it is also a huge relief. Having a certified trouble magnet for a partner, the notion that there will be a vampire slayer and two witches a couple of doors away is oddly reassuring, and living in the headquarters of a secret organization is the best defense we could hope for in case the government ever figures out that there was no fraud. If they come here expecting to find a slayer they will be met by a couple of witches and a sentinel, if they come looking for a sentinel, a slayer and two witches will probably be more than enough to throw off their plans, and if they are gunning for a witch, well, they won't be more successful than in either of the other scenarios. Our different skills allow us to complement each other nicely and thwart almost any possible attack. Even though the proud part of me wishes Giles had asked me about it before making the decision, I can't really fault his logic. Besides, an existing building in the middle of town is more readily defensible that an isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere. Isolation can serve to maintain an illusion of safety, but it also makes for an easy target that can be taken out without raising too many eyebrows. Another advantage has to do with the fact that an apartment building is less likely to arouse suspicions when inhabited by a group of people who are not related to each other and in this particular instance it also leaves open the possibility of expanding with a minimum fuss. Right now they will be taking over the third floor but I can tell that that third floor will gradually expand to encompass the whole building.

Our current neighbors will start moving out over the weekend and all the apartments should be ready for their new tenants within ten days. From what I gather Giles will be taking apartment 305, Buffy and Dawn will move into 303, Willow and Tara will go into 301. On the other side of the hall Xander and Andrew will be sharing apartment 302 while 304 will be set up for guests, passing teams of slayers or any new additions to the Watchers. 306 and 308 will be merged to host a library and a training room. I do wonder however how Giles managed to secure those places, seeing how there have been no 'For Sale' signs in this building for a while but I decide not to ask.

I am certain that the paper trail will be flawless should anyone bother to come looking and the explanations will be believable enough. It seems like too much of a coincidence, but I couldn't help but notice that three days ago a number of checks supposedly from insurance companies arrived, payments for the houses that were destroyed in Sunnydale. A coincidence from my perspective, but not exceptional considering that all their homes were lost in the same disaster and there is not much room for insurance companies to contest those losses. It is true that a group of seven people who know each other purchasing seven apartments in the same building at the exact same time is not an everyday occurrence, but a closer look will reveal that those people endured a very traumatic experience together and it wouldn't be seen as all that unusual for them to feel inclined to stay close to each other... and the fact that the apartments are located in the same building --in fact on the same floor-- in which the son and only surviving family of one of those people has been living for the past eight years only serves to complete a picture of grief which comes across as slightly unusual, but not suspicious even under the closest of scrutinies.

Over all I have to say that the plan was perfectly executed, I can identify the hand of a number of Scoobies in it, but the two that stand out are Giles and Willow. We have new neighbors and by the look of things our lives just got more interesting... and they were interesting enough.

* * *

**_Author's note_**: okay, I have to say that this is probably the chapter I like the least. I didnít really like it back when I wrote it and I donít like it now but seeing how I decided **_not_** to edit this story before posting here Iím afraid I was stuck. Sorry about that,

Alec


	7. Chapter 7: The Queen of Good Intentions

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 7: The Queen of Good Intentions Run Amuck

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by my mother's surprise visit. It's not like she ever warns me of the fact that she is coming... or rather it's not like she ever actually manages to make it all the way to Cascade when she tells me of her visits in advance. I think it's been something like twelve years since the last time she actually came when she told me she would, but this time around I really could have used a heads-up. While she knew I had been in touch with my father for the past two years I hadn't had a chance to tell her that he had actually moved to Cascade and was living next door. It's not that I tried to keep it from her, it's just that the last time I heard anything from her she was on her way to a spiritual retreat somewhere in Nepal where there would be no possible contact, and that was more than six months ago. The problem is that having her here now that there are so many secrets floating around this place is going to be even more complicated than it was before the whole dissertation fiasco... and I'm far more aware of just how devastating she can be if she happens to find out something she shouldn't.

Of course the fact that she hadn't been expecting Giles to be living here led to some rather amusing situations and far more suitable living arrangements for her stay. Her first reaction was to come up with the wonderful idea that we would all be more comfortable if she were to stay with him rather than with Jim and I... at least that way I would still be able to sleep in my own bed, or so she said. It sounded like a reasonable idea except for the fact that we could all see where she was going... and we were all aware that my comfort was not her primary concern. My father's reaction was priceless, he had this dear-in-the-headlights look going there for a minute until Willow and Tara finally took pity on him and told Naomi that she could take their guest room. Giles was relieved, Naomi was fuming but couldn't quite come up with an excuse to turn down that invitation and I think I caught a mischievous glint in Tara's eyes. She may be quiet and painfully shy but she doesn't miss a thing. As far as Jim is concerned, he was in heaven. While --for the most part-- he has forgiven Naomi for what happened with my dissertation I know that even after all these years he still lives in constant fear of her sage brigade. At Willow's and Tara's at least she will be free to burn sage to her heart's content.

I love my mom but I am aware that while Naomi is here we will have no choice but to play cloak and dagger in our own homes... again, and we all know how wonderfully that turned out the last time around.

* * *

Naomi will finally be leaving tomorrow, and the truth is that her visit has left me with rather mixed feelings.

I had never really spent any amount of time with her, which seems odd considering that she is the mother of my son. Before this encounter I would have described us as passing acquaintances at best. Now I've had a chance to get to know her a little better but I'm not sure whether or not that was a good thing.

I think there's a part of me that would have preferred to be left with the wonderful memory of our one encounter when we were kids and not much else to ruin it. The fact is that she puts up a good front but it's not a front that can stand up to closer scrutiny, and even if I had been unwilling to see it, it's not like Tara would have allowed me to ignore it.

I am well aware that while Tara is nowhere near as powerful as Willow when it comes to spells and magic intended to have an impact on the physical world, her empathic abilities mean that her powers are greater than Willow's when it comes to spiritual magic, though she rarely taps into them so we sometimes tend to overlook that fact. Her empathic levels come close to Blair's and that's amazing considering that he's a full fledged Shaman. I've learned to respect that power over the years, and one of the lessons I've learned is that it makes her an excellent judge of character. In other words, I've learned to take whatever she says about someone seriously because more often than not she is right... and right now that's the problem.

We were talking yesterday about Naomi. I guess I was curious about how she saw her considering that for me the woman remains an enigma. I guess I shouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear the answer. As usual Tara managed to tag her with the simplest of definitions. She described Naomi as 'the queen of good intentions run amuck' and --whether I like it or not-- that definition does agree with what I've heard about her and what I have been able to observe in these past few days.

From what I've been able to see Naomi is loving but she has no regards for the possible consequences of her actions. She wants to help but she is unable to see anything but the outcome she desires, and I can't help but wonder how that has affected my son. Even after all this time his past is still a mystery to me, whenever I try to bring it up he always manages to steer the conversation toward a different subject... at least when I try to bring up things that happened before he was admitted to Rainier. Up until now I have been unwilling to press the issue but I suspect that that's no longer an option. Some of the things Tara hinted at are too disturbing for my liking and now that the possibility has been presented to me, it just won't leave me alone. I have always assumed that my son's childhood was a reasonably happy one, now I'm not so sure about that and a number of subtle hints I had neglected along the way are coming back to haunt me.

I remember how when Blair first came to Sunnydale Buffy was having a hard time adjusting to his presence, and I remember the conversation I overheard between the two of them. At the time I was so overwhelmed by the discovery that my son had actually been murdered that some of the other things he mentioned didn't even register, things like the comment that even during his childhood his mother was far from a constant presence in his life. And there were other instances as well, moments when he let his guard down to help others and something slipped out unnoticed, like when I was thinking of leaving Buffy after she was brought back from Heaven. He asked me if I believed that a twenty year old was capable of taking care of a child on her own. He was referring to Dawn, of course, but he said a child --not a teenager-- and at the time I didn't even register the fact that his own mother had been only seventeen when he was born.

And then there are other things. Things that Tara mentioned almost as a fact which I can only pray were just a mistaken assumption on her part, or simply things she said in an attempt to illustrate a point. She said that Naomi was like a small child unable to conceive the possibility that someone else might feel or act differently than she would under any given circumstances, that too is consistent with what I've been able to observe, but then Tara went further than that, she gave her concerns a more specific form. She said that Naomi could not conceive that when she was leaving Blair behind, her son might have wanted her to stay or that --because she would never deliberately harm a child-- Naomi could not conceive that someone else might... and what I can't stand is the combination of those two scenarios in my mind.

One thing I do know is that I need to have a long talk with my son... and for the first time since I met him I'm not looking forward to it.


	8. Chapter 8: Imaginary Demons?

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 8: Imaginary Demons?

It's been almost a week since Naomi left but I'm still trying to get Blair to talk to me. He's avoiding me and I'm somewhat troubled by how good he is at doing just that. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise but right now that ability he has to take command of the conversation --a skill that I've found so admirable in the past-- is driving me crazy. It's gotten to a point in which now I even have Jim's understanding and support. He cornered me yesterday and wished me luck... and then he told me that he's been trying to have an honest talk with Blair about Naomi ever since the dissertation fiasco four years ago, with the operative word being 'trying'. I'm beginning to suspect that our best bet would be to team up. That way maybe we would stand a chance to keep him off balance long enough to get past his defenses but even then the outcome would be doubtful. I do know, however, that whatever it is that he is hiding can't be anywhere near as bad as the worst case scenarios my mind has been generously supplying me with for these past few days... or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.

The fact remains that whenever he avoids talking to me I can't help but try to fill in the blanks as far as to what he could possibly be hiding and the truth is that --whatever **_it_** is-- it bothers me. The harder he fights the more worried I become. I know he is trying to protect me, in a sense that's the root of the problem: I am all too aware that whatever it is he is hiding it is something he feels I should be protected **_from_** and that sounds so wrong. He is my son and it should have been my duty to keep him safe from whatever it is that he's now trying to protect me from. I know he means well, I know he doesn't blame me for whatever it is that happened to him. He understands that I didn't even suspect that I had a son until a couple of years ago, but I can't allow myself to hide behind that excuse. I made a mistake and he paid the price... it's as simple and as complicated as that.

Of course, part of me wonders what would our lives have been like if I had known about him from the beginning. If I had been aware of his existence, what impact would his presence have had on my Ripper days? Would I have avoided my mistakes to keep him safe or would he have been their first victim? Would he even have survived the experience? Would Naomi have helped to keep me grounded during that period or would the two of us have sunk together bringing our son down with us? Would he have been better or worse off by having me in his life? For as long as I live I will regret all those missed opportunities but I can't blind myself to my own past. It was not idyllic and I was little more than a child myself when Blair was born.

As much as I hate what I've missed and as much as I hate that he was hurt by my absence I seriously doubt that we could have developed the bond we now share if we had been forced to grow up together, but even that knowledge is not enough to silence my fears. I think that is one of the reasons why I'm so determined to get to the bottom of this. I need to know what he's hiding and judging by Jim's reaction I'm not the only one. Blair is extremely generous, always willing to help others, but it seems that one lesson he didn't learn from Naomi is that it's alright for him to share his own burdens, that someone might actually be there to help **_him_** if only he were to allow it, and that saddens me.

That Jim and I need some sort of strategy if we intend to get Blair to talk to us is clear. We are going against the master here and that cannot be taken lightly. We have both seen him in action, we know what he can do and we know what we are up against. There has to be some sort of opening in his defenses, something that we can actually use to our advantage... the problem is that we are fighting on his turf. Getting people to open up is his area of expertise --not ours-- and outmaneuvering him is likely to be incredibly difficult.

Together Jim and I go over all those little incidents in which Blair has let something slip, no matter how small. It takes me only a few minutes to realize that those instances can basically be divided into two clearly distinct categories: Some of them were dark aspects that were hidden behind apparently happy memories, the rest slipped out while he was trying to connect with someone else, while he was trying to help. The first kind of incident doesn't really offer much help, but the second could offer us some hope.

The problem is that I'm worried that if he were to discover what we're up to he would see it as a betrayal and I'm not willing to jeopardize my relationship with my son.


	9. Chapter 9: Sonning Miles

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 9: Sonning Miles

Chivalry... if I weren't already gay it would be enough to get me to swear off men. I was talking to Tara yesterday and she too is worried about Giles because his oh-so-noble son is trying to protect him and making a big old mess of things in the process... of course, Giles's paranoia is not helping either. I wonder why is it that even guys who qualify as kind and caring have this thing where they can't sit down and talk about their feelings without letting a whole bunch of macho posturing get in the way.

This whole thing started with Blair's mother's visit. At first Naomi seemed like a lot of fun, it's not that she's a 'bad person' or anything like that, but she **_is_** high maintenance and the idea of having her for a mother --and a single mother at that-- does not a pretty picture paint. From what I saw, I suspect that Blair found himself parenting her more often than the other way around... and the fact that **_I'm_** describing someone else's mother as unfit is terrifying enough. My mom was never there for me and yet I have to say that compared to Blair I had it good. In fact I think Naomi is a lot more like my mom than anyone would guess, but that's a whole different bag of issues. In the end I guess I turned out fine --for a witch-- just like Blair turned out okay --for a Shaman... so what if we were both expected to grow up Jewish?

The thing is that even though the idea that Blair grew up with Naomi as a mother is not a pretty picture, I don't think that's even the main issue here. I know part of the problem has nothing to do with Naomi at all. She could be Mother Teresa and Giles would still be freaking out... of course Mother Teresa never had children --being a nun and all that-- but that's not the point. The point is that Giles feels guilty because he didn't even know Blair existed until a couple of years ago and now anything that even hints at the fact that his son had a less than perfect childhood is likely to be blown out of proportion. I mean, even though I know about Ripper and some of his less than stellar choices, if I had to use one word to describe Giles it would be 'responsible', and not really big on the whole forgiving thing. He's a nice guy but he sure can carry a grudge, and he is not more forgiving with himself than with anyone else... if anything he's even worse. That means that he's likely to blame himself for every scraped knee Blair ever had growing up, simply because he thinks he should have been there to prevent it in the first place, and I guess that's what this whole thing boils down to.

Giles is blaming himself for everything that ever went wrong in his son's life, while Blair is trying to reassure his father by telling him that nothing went wrong in his life, while Giles is convinced Blair is lying to him in order to protect him, while Blair is insisting that he isn't hiding anything --which is obviously a lie-- which only causes Giles to grow more and more convinced that whatever Blair is hiding is truly awful, which will eventually lead to a situation in which --when Blair finally decides to come clean-- there will be no convincing Giles that Blair is **_not_** minimizing the negatives to make him feel better. That is --in a nutshell-- the phenomenon commonly referred to as 'men talking'... of course, Buffy's not a guy and still the whole not-telling-about-being-in-Heaven thingy was sadly reminiscent of this whole mess so maybe it's not just a guy thing after all.

The thing is that we all owe Blair, big time, so maybe this would be a nice opportunity for us to help **_him_** for a change. I really don't even want to think about how things would have turned out if Blair hadn't decided to step up to the plate a few times over the past couple of years. I love Giles, but there have been some changes in his attitude toward us that I suspect were not quite spontaneous... like the whole not necessarily waiting for us to mess up quite so badly before telling us that we are on a collision course with disaster. That's an improvement, as is the reduction in the number of mixed messages he sends our way... it's not like he's made up his mind as to whether he should treat us as children or as adults or anything as drastic as that, but at least he is trying to be somewhat consistent.

The truth is that while we don't ever really talk about it, we all know those changes sort of began after Blair showed up and have continued since then. In fact Giles has mellowed down a lot since he met his son, to the point that he no longer freezes whenever Blair hugs him, which is a **_major_** change. That used to be so funny and I suspect it wasn't as much a coincidence as Blair would have us believe... it's not like he could **_not_** notice it. I think he was just taking advantage of the fact that back then we didn't know him well enough to realize that he was doing it on purpose. I know Blair likes to hug a lot --as oddly enough does Jim, which you really wouldn't guess just by looking at him-- but he is too perceptive not to have noticed his father's discomfort... and as far as I can tell the only semi-reasonable explanation is that he was determined to hug the stuffy-ing out of Giles.

Well, if Blair sort of managed to transfer to us some of those thirty years worth of parenting miles Giles felt he owed his son, then maybe it's time for us to return the favor and transfer some sonning miles his way... I don't think there's such a word as sonning but there should be. I mean, if parents can turn themselves into verbs then sons and daughters should be entitled to do the same thing, anyway I think it's time Blair learned that sometimes it's not his job to parent his parents.


	10. Chapter 10: Paths

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 10: Paths

Okay, I've messed up... and it only took me two weeks plus a dozen or so subtle hints --by Willow's standards-- to notice. I guess I should have seen it coming, but it's not like I have that much experience in this whole having a father business. The truth is that I never really expected him to be worried about my past, much less did I expect him to feel guilty about it. Heck, Naomi never worried about it and she was actually there... well, sometimes. Was my childhood perfect? No, it wasn't, but it wasn't awful either and I think Giles has succeeded in convincing himself that it was hell on earth... and for a guy who deals with the very real possibility of hell on earth on a daily basis that is saying something.

So what if Naomi wasn't always there, if I didn't have a place to call home while I was growing up? Unconventional doesn't necessarily mean bad, no matter what the media tries to tell us. Yes, there were some rough times --I won't deny that-- and there were plenty of times when I would have loved a chance to be like other kids, to have a mother **_and_** a father, to go to the same school in the same town with the same people for years instead of weeks. For a very long time I deluded myself with might-have-beens, now I know they were nothing but fantasies. I never would have fitted in in a regular school and deep down I guess I've always known it, the constant moving just served as an acceptable excuse. As unusual as it was, my childhood was suited to who I was. A permanent school would have freed me from the stigma of being always the new kid in town, that's true, but it also would have meant spending years at the mercy of the same bullies, of the same teachers who resented me for being a smart mouth, for daring to disrupt their perfect little classrooms with questions and ideas, for being different in ways that had nothing to do with my family or my upbringing, for being me. While I longed for the ideal **_normal_** life everyone kept talking about I am now aware that it would have been worse for me, not better. A best case scenario would have had me turning into Alec by the age of twelve, a worst case scenario would have caused me to self destruct long before that.

Even though I never had a chance to attend school on a regular basis I was just sixteen when I was admitted to Rainier. By that time I had lived in each one of the five continents for at least a year, I had learned things that are not part of any school plan, I spoke four languages fluently and I had been to most of the places my professors had only read about. I had seen two Summer Solstices in a single year --Naomi enjoys cold and wet about as much as I do so we never did two Winter Solstices-- and I had celebrated my birthday in both the spring and the fall... something I found fascinating when I was five. I learned about Egypt in Cairo and of China on the Great Wall. I discovered Darwin's theories for the first time when I was eight... on a little boat headed for the Galapagos Islands and I had an old Shaman take me under his wing when I was nine. I never read much into that until after Incacha died. I had some great times growing up, and the fact is that all of those revolved around things that wouldn't have been part of a _normal_ childhood, with a _normal_ family living in a _normal_ town.

I'm not saying my childhood was wonderful, far from it. I wasn't sheltered like other children and that caused me to see things most kids can't even imagine... or at least most kids from developed countries. When we traveled we went native and that meant that if there was poverty around us we lived in poverty. We weren't playing tourist and seeing the world through the windows of five stars hotels or turning up our noses at the way in which other people live, like way too many of those who travel abroad do. That caused me to learn that death is a part of life at an early age --and I also learned that it's not just something that happens to the elderly who have had a long and wonderful life-- I saw starvation, I saw injustice and I saw exploitation. I saw first hand things that most kids learn from watching the Discovery Channel, if at all.

I must also admit that the bad times were not confined to what I saw. Naomi's frequent absences were painful and they caused me to end up in some circumstances that were not so great. I was forced to grow up too soon in too many ways, to fend for myself at an age in which most kids are still happy to have mommy tuck them in at night and are confident that she will actually be there to do it. I realize that now --and maybe that's why I was so adamant when Giles thought of leaving Buffy a couple of years ago-- but in the end the life I led brought me here and I wouldn't trade that for memories of a stable home.

I am where I need to be and the path I took to get here is all but irrelevant. Now if only I could get my father to understand that fact.


	11. Chapter 11: Nothing Is the Answer

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 11: Nothing Is the Answer

This is weird. I know I have to have this particular talk with my father, I've been thinking about little else for days, but now that I'm sitting in front of him I just don't know how to get this particular ball rolling and I don't think he's doing much better... plus the fact that I **_really_** don't want to have this conversation is not helping either. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to paint anything remotely resembling an impartial picture of my own life? How can I balance the good, the bad and the ugly? Well, maybe not the ugly but the average. All my life I was told that bringing up the past brings nothing but pain, and even though I've learned that that's not always true there are some memories it still applies to... and I believe that some of the ones that are likely to be a part of this encounter qualify. Having this conversation with my father goes against that upbringing. I know I cannot be honest with him without causing him pain and I'm not looking forward to that.

We've been here for almost an hour already, we've talked about the weather, sports, the girls and we've also debated a couple of theories about how demons helped shape some human traditions in remote places. We've talked about everything we can think of and ten minutes ago we ran out of subjects, so now we are both staring quietly into our mugs of tea and we'll be here until tomorrow unless one of us says something so I decide to face the inevitable.

"This is absurd."

"Yes, quite."

"I guess this conversation won't take care of itself if we just wish for it to go away."

"No, I'm afraid it won't."

"Okay, then ask away."

"What? Me? I'm really not sure what I should ask."

"Then we have a problem 'cause I don't have a clue as to what to say."

"How bad was it, really?"

"What?"

"Everything I guess. It's strange but until Naomi's visit I never gave much thought to what your early life was like."

"It was different, that's for sure, but I'm not sure I would describe it as bad, not even when things got rough. I just want you to understand that none of it was your fault."

"I should have been there... and don't try to make this about me. What do you mean by 'when things got rough'?"

"Nothing really, it wasn't that bad most of the times, just sometimes, and everyone has those 'sometimes' no matter what. It's no big deal."

"If it's not a big deal then tell me."

"Well, we used to travel a lot and that was really cool. I got to meet lots of different people and..."

"And these were the rough times?"

"No, but..."

"Then, if it's not that bad, why won't you just quit stalling?"

"Because you can't change those."

"Would you quit trying to protect me?"

"I'm not..."

"Yes, you are."

"Okay, maybe I am, but I just don't see the point."

"The point is that I need to know. I'm your father and I should have been there, I failed you and..."

"That's the thing: You didn't fail me, you didn't even know me."

"But I should have."

"No, you shouldn't."

"What do you mean I shouldn't? I'm your father, it was my responsibility to be there for you."

"Maybe, but if you had been there for me, we wouldn't be here... literally. I seriously doubt that Buffy's life would have unfolded as it did with a different watcher, that would almost certainly mean that she would have died long before now and do you honestly believe that another slayer would have been able to do what she has done? That a slayer brought up in the traditional way would have been able to defeat the First Evil? She wouldn't, if only because another slayer wouldn't have had the help of two powerful witches and without their help the battle would have been lost."

"That's true, but without those witches the battle probably wouldn't have taken place at all. It was the spell they used to bring Buffy back that set things in motion for that confrontation in the first place... and that's not the point."

"Yes it is. The point is that, for whatever reason, we met only a couple of years ago and if you had known about me from the start both of our lives would be completely different now. How different? I don't know, just like I don't know how our lives would have been if we hadn't met at all. Would our lives be better or worse in either of those instances? I don't know, do you?"

"I know I like my life better with you in it."

"Yes, well, I'm really glad I met you too, that's not what I mean. I just don't know how to say what I'm saying."

"That's a new one... you not knowing what to say."

"God, you are starting to sound like Jim."

"I'll take that as a compliment, and now stop trying to change the subject."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You've been trying to change the subject since long before we got anywhere near the subject. I understand what you are saying about the fact that we can't measure the changes there would be in our lives if things had been different, I even get that you wouldn't want to risk any of those changes, but I still need to know."

"Okay, as I said, there was a lot of traveling. I never really had a place to call home at least until I moved to Cascade, maybe not until I moved in with Jim, but that was okay for the most part. I mean --without going into too much detail about Naomi's boyfriends-- I'll admit that a few of them were jerks, but none of them was around for a really long time, so it never got too bad."

"Can we set some parameters here? What would have been 'too bad'?"

"I don't know, anything beyond getting smacked every now and then for being smart or being in the way or simply being, I guess."

"They beat you?"

"Not all of them, in fact not most of them, and even with those who were a little heavy-handed it was not an everyday occurrence... besides it never went beyond a couple of bruises and that was less than what I got from school bullies on a regular basis. If it had been any worse than that Naomi might have noticed and they didn't want to take that chance."

"So that makes it okay?"

"No, it wasn't okay but it wasn't really a big deal either, besides things weren't all that bad... at least not as long as Naomi was around."

"Are you telling me that those were actually the **_good _**times?"

"No they were not the good times, though some of Naomi's boyfriends were kind of cool. For the most part I just wanted them to leave me alone and they were happy to oblige so it worked out just fine for all of us. The good times were when I was traveling with Naomi, just the two of us. It didn't happen all that often but when it did it was great."

"You said things weren't bad as long as Naomi was around... what happened when she wasn't? You've hinted several times at the fact that she was gone often."

"Well, yes, she did leave me behind on a fairly regular basis, and for the most part nothing bad happened to me while she was gone either. I usually stayed with some of her friends and most of them were okay. I had a roof over my head, three meals a day and a library card, if there was a library within walking distance, that is. I learned to cope with different situations, that's for sure, but in the end that turned out to be a good thing. I learned to fend for myself and I learned a lot about people, things most kids never see. Look, dad, I won't lie to you saying everything was great but I made it. I just don't want to see you blaming yourself for something you couldn't possibly have known or prevented."

"The problem is that I don't even know what am I supposed to be blaming myself for, and that's what's driving me crazy."

"That one I can answer: nothing."

* * *

_**Author's notes**_:okay this is it for part 2, I'll start posting part three on Monday. Sorry about the vanishing act this week, RL got in the way and I promise to try to do better,

Alec


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